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I’ve Made it to the Oscars!

Team Barefoot:

 

I’m sitting here typing in my ocean front room at the Loews Santa Monica Beach excited for a fun weekend of people watching, arguing about movies, and spreading the vibe of the gathering storm that is BFD to all of Tinseltown.  Thanks to the free DirecTV movie service on JetBlue mint, I got to catch the 3 movies I’d yet to see in full and can now state that BFD has viewed ALL 9 candidates for BEST PICTURE.  Below I’ll take you through thoughts on each one, and then give you BFD’s version of the awards they should give out…

In no particular order (actually it’s the sequence I watched them in) –

 

  1. The Post - …yawn…sigh…yeah it was a Friday night and I’d had a few drinks in me and the theater was boiling hot so yes it put me to sleep.  Way over done.  Was more dramatic than Dunkirk and in the latter instance there were 300,000 lives at stake.  In my view it’s a movie with 2 Academy Award favorites of yore (Streep & Hanks) who stress about a decision that in today’s world would have been made in 5 seconds, whether the information was fact or fiction.  I will say that the undercard of actors here were quite good and there were some decent scenes and decent dialogue.  Separately, I had never appreciated the personal relationship between Defense Secretary Bob McNamara and WAPO owner Katharine Graham – makes me wonder what types of relationships exist today between big media and powerful political figures – it does explain a lot.  Of the 9 films, this is the one I’d rate to skip seeing the most.

 

  1. Dunkirk – powerful depiction of an extremely dire situation at a dark time in our World’s history.  Shows the human side of early WWII and gives a unique insight into the British citizens who helped save their own army and of the young men whose lives they saved (from the beaches of NW France).  I thought this was very well directed and the story that’s woven is coherent and its aim to show the helplessness and despair that was ripe at the time was on point (note: this is early days before Pearl Harbor and before the US joins Allied Forces in France, etc, and defeat Hitler 5 yrs later).  I give it 2 bare feet but recommend you see this AFTER watching Darkest Hour.

 

  1. Darkest Hour – I genuinely enjoyed this movie.  Gary Oldman is fantastic as Churchill.  You don’t have to be a history buff or nerd to want to see this movie or enjoy its story.  It is interesting that this move shows the Dunkirk story from across the channel back in London.  There are a lot of great scenes that truly capture the oddity and genius of Churchill, but at the same time show how oddly Trumpian he was at the time (he scared the sh*t out of the King, parliament, the war cabinet and even at times his own family), even for a lifelong statesman.  Lots of great dialogue and powerful scenes with epic exchanges.  You must see this film.

 

  1. Lady Bird – I wasn’t really wowed at all by this movie.  It was rather ordinary to me.  I’ll give that the girl that played Lady Bird did an excellent job capturing her character’s essence and giving the audience laughs with her eccentricities, but I just wasn’t wowed by it at all.

 

  1. 3 Billbords Outside Ebbing, Missouri – this was my favorite.  If you’re like me and love independent movies with a story line you’ve never really seen accompanied by complex characters and great writing, this is for you.  I’ll leave it here bc if I talked any more about this movie I’ll spoil it for you other than to say the lady from Fargo and Sam Rockwell are both awesome and deserve some recognition.  Go see this movie.

 

  1. Get Out – this to me was this year’s Pulp Fiction.  I watched it for the second time a bit buzzed on the plane and really got to appreciate what a twisted story this is.  This film takes psycho girlfriend (and family) to a whole new level.  The characters are awesome, the writing was very very good and some of the scenes were so well conceived.  This is without question to me the most underrated of the 9 films.  I’d watch this movie 100 times out of 100 over The Post.

 

  1. Phantom Thread – Daniel Day Lewis is so on his A game here.  He carries a film that is a bit strange and twisted.  His portrayal of a serial narcissist along with the oddly complicated relationship with Alma, who eventually becomes his wife, makes this film the most curious for me and perhaps the one I’ll watch again to see what I may have missed.

 

  1. The Shape of Water – Um, she has sex with an amphibian that’s treated in the movie like a communist Russian spy.  “Hello, weirdness?  This is barefoot dave calling… I’m on a plan watching a mute woman play grab hands with something out of that old show ‘Land of the Lost’ and trying to understand who thinks up this stuff…”  Clearly the weirdest of the 9 for me.  I could probably watch this film 10 more times and not understand it.  If you want to watch a film that’s going to rip your heart out and throw it back at you…watch ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’…if you want to see a twisted love story that takes fetish to a whole new level…this one’s for you…people are saying this is your Best Picture…I am not one of those people.

 

  1. Call Me By My Name – this is the movie that surprised me the most.  So this 17yr old kid is having a summer of lust in Italy with a hot French girl and then suddenly realizes he’s in love with the American guy that’s working for his dad (and we come to find out at the end that his dad knew all along, was ok w/it and was in his own words, jealous of what his son had found).  This film is not predictable, the acting is very good, the writing is even better and what you get is this year’s version of ‘Life is Beautiful’ that may give the Aquatic Porn movie I referenced above a run for its money.  This one could be the sleeper and I can understand why…

 

 

I’m not going to give you my predictions.  I’m not going to be boring like everyone else.  Instead, I’ve created my own BFD movie awards, which we’ll call “The Golden Toes”

 

Best “Play it Cool After Something So Completely F*cked Up Just Happened” – Sam Rockwell’s character in 3 Billboards for the scene where he throws the kid from the advertising company out the 3rd story window and then calmly walks downstairs and steps by him in the middle of the street on his walk back into the police station while the kid is writhing in agony…

 Best “Could this moment get any more awkward if I was watching this scene with my teenage daughter” – when the mute girl in Shape of Water is signing to her janitor colleague about how she got jiggy with an amphibian the night before and was describing its anatomy…

Best “did Victor Hugo write this scene because that’s just way to much f*cking detail for me right now” – one of the early scenes of Phantom Thread where DDL’s character is getting ready to meet one of his elite clients and he’s seen clipping his nose hairs for what feels like 10 minutes with music playing and I feel like I’m back reading Les Miserables in high school suffering through 10 pages of Victor Hugo trying to describe a wall tapestry.  Ok we get it, the guy is old and vain and has nose and ear hair…thankfully the director (who btw did ‘Boogie Nights’ so he’s no stranger to innuendo) spared us any more graphic visuals of ‘manscaping’…

Best “ok I’ve dated this girl” moment – In ‘Get Out’ when the girlfriend is on the phone with the TSA guy and accuses him of wanting her and he loses his sh*t and hangs up.  Stage 5 batsh*t crazy.  We’ve all been there and that moment froze me for a second and prompted me to hit the call button on the airplane and beg the lovely flight attendant for the entire bottle of red zinfandel…

 Best “ok that describes me in a nutshell” moment – when Churchill is having lunch with King George VI in ‘Darkest Hour’ and he’s guzzling champagne and muttering about the India offensive he designed in WWI that everybody pissed on and the King is just staring at him and smoking with the look of ‘what the f*ck’ on his face and finally asks: “where did your proclivity for day drinking come from, sir”?  and Churchill pauses, takes a sip and replies with his head down cutting his food and not missing a beat: “practice”.  This scene is a metaphor for me of what the people I work with must think of me sometimes…made me laugh out loud…

Best “not #metoo moment” – In ‘Call me by my Name’ when Ellio and Oliver are laying at the riverside and Ellio confidently reaches over and grabs Oliver’s crotch (which is clothed in cheesy 1980s Le Tigre white tennis shorts – omg epic fail sartorially) and says: “does this make you uncomfortable?”  Answer: YES ELLIO THIS IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE!  THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT IS POURING WINE RIGHT AT THAT VERY MOMENT AND LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M WATCHING 1980s CHILD PORN.  SO, YES, VERY VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.  Could we cut to the next scene?  Holy sh*t!  I had such a rapport with this flight attendant and now she thinks I’m Roman Polanski’s nephew. WTF WTF WTF…

 

 



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